Resilience

It was 2005. I had been teaching for 5 years, but I now had my very own class of Receptions. My first group. I had spent a year collecting resources and having amazing mentors prepare me for this delight. Brand new 5 year olds, ready to embark on a world of learning and I had the privilege of guiding them, first.

The day began with tentative, but exceptional children, nervously entering the classroom. I had prepared activities for every table and every child could chose what they wanted to do. As the parents began to leave, I thought "this is it.... my very first class. They trust me to teach them everything?"

I remember one moment vividly. The students had asked to colour in. So I did what an amazing teacher would do and organise for coloured pencils, and pre-prepared colouring in sheets for them to work on. As they happily sat to colour, you could hear a pin drop in the room. The students were quiet. They did as they were asked. Minecraft, Youtube, iPhones, weren't invented yet and these curious, yet peaceful creatures were not just being compliant, I could tell that from their obedience, that they had 5 years at home with parents who cultivated a pleasurable and curious world at home. When it came to helping, I had to buy more mini sweepers as everyone wanted a turn to clean and tidy. I had to keep pinching myself because this was a class like no-other.

One of the character qualities that we undertook learning during that year was resilience. The students and I loved learning about this as we used a karate move with two hands to show that we were resilient towards things that were difficult and that we would face these challenges head on.

Jump forward to 2022 and we live in such a different world. A world where the world "no" is actually a dangerous word for parents to use, as the reaction from a child hearing this word causes mental scaring and pain (not really- but I have noticed that the word "YES" is used way more frequently). In a technological generation, we have students who don't understand delayed gratification, waiting, patience, persistence and most of all resilience.

As a teacher, I use the Play Is the Way strategies to assist students in being able to navigate tricky social situations. Playing social games that require comfort zones to be broken and character to be stretched, are amazing at being able to build resilience. When conflict arises, it can be very easy for us to step in. To blow a whistle and allow an adult to take control. But after coaching, students can begin to navigate these situations themselves. They start to use the phrases that you have modelled to help sort out social situations.

And as a teacher I see all too often parents too scared to say no. Too scared to allow their child to navigate disappointment. To navigate walking into the school gate without them. They know that when their child pulls that certain face, it's to make the parent feel bad and come running back.

But as adults, we need to model resilience. We need to model breaking comfort zones. Setting ourselves goals that we think may be too hard, but actually workable. We need to show our children that its ok to fail. To be able to build powerful people. Failure is pivotal. If you don't fail, how can you learn.

So the next time your child has a tantrum because you have said no, gently turn to them and say "I am allowed to say no, I know that you are frustrated, but this is a pivotal learning point for you". It may not end well the first time, but the more we keep our cool and foster a sense of failure and resilience, they will too.