Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart: Leading with Curiosity, Courage, and Compassion

Leadership has changed significantly over the years.

Many of us grew up seeing leadership modelled through authority, certainty, and endurance — where strong leaders were expected to carry everything, remain composed, and always have the answers. In many professional spaces, particularly education, leadership often became about surviving pressure rather than creating connection.

But the longer I work in leadership, the more I realise that the leaders who create lasting impact are rarely the loudest people in the room. Instead, they are often the people who know how to listen deeply, remain grounded in their values, and lead with both strength and compassion.

The work of Brené Brown has deeply shaped this thinking for me, particularly her idea:

“Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart.”

This idea captures something incredibly important about leadership today — especially in relational spaces like schools.

A Strong Back: Leadership Needs Boundaries

For a long time, I think many leaders believed that being supportive meant always saying yes.

Saying yes to every request. Saying yes to additional responsibilities. Saying yes to keeping the peace.

But over time, many leaders discover that constantly overextending ourselves does not necessarily create healthy cultures. In fact, it can leave leaders emotionally exhausted, unclear in their direction, and disconnected from their own purpose.

Having a “strong back” does not mean becoming rigid or unapproachable. Rather, it means staying anchored in values, direction, and integrity.

It means understanding that boundaries are not unkind.They are necessary.

Healthy leadership sometimes looks like:

• pausing before automatically saying yes

• having honest conversations when something feels misaligned

• protecting culture with care and clarity

• not allowing disrespectful communication to become normalised

• remaining calm and grounded when others project pressure or control

This is not about confrontation. It is about creating spaces where people feel safe, respected, and able to grow.

A Soft Front: Vulnerability Builds Trust

At the same time, leadership cannot simply become about boundaries and structure alone.

What I appreciate most about Brené Brown’s work is her reminder that vulnerability is not weakness. Some of the strongest leaders I have worked alongside are people who are willing to:

• listen deeply

• acknowledge uncertainty

• remain curious

• show empathy

• stay relational even during difficult moments

A “soft front” allows leaders to remain emotionally open rather than defensive.

This matters deeply in education because relationships sit at the centre of learning, wellbeing, and growth. People do not flourish in environments where they feel judged, controlled, or unseen. They flourish where trust, belonging, and psychological safety exist.

Listening is leadership. Curiosity is leadership. Compassion is leadership.

Curious Leadership Is Not Passive Leadership

One thing I feel strongly about is helping younger generations of leaders understand that relational leadership is not passive leadership.

There can still be a perception in some spaces that leadership only looks “strong” when it is directive, dominant, or highly authoritative. Yet some of the most effective leaders lead quietly, intentionally, and relationally.

Leading curiously means:

• asking thoughtful questions

• seeking to understand before reacting

• creating dialogue

• remaining open to learning

• holding space for complexity

• balancing reflection with direction

Curious leaders still hold vision. They still make decisions. They still provide clarity and accountability.

But they do so in ways that invite people into the journey rather than simply managing them through compliance.

For emerging leaders especially, this is important to remember: You do not need to become hardened to become effective.

Courageous Conversations Matter

Relational leadership also does not mean avoiding difficult conversations.

In fact, some of the most compassionate leadership moments involve honesty.

Brené Brown often speaks about “rumbling with vulnerability” — leaning into conversations that are uncomfortable but necessary. Whether in schools, organisations, or teams, healthy cultures are built when people can communicate openly, respectfully, and clearly.

As Brown writes:

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

Leadership requires the courage to:

• address tension respectfully

• provide clarity

• maintain accountability

• protect culture

• remain connected even during discomfort

These conversations are rarely easy, but they are often where trust is built most deeply.

A Wild Heart: Remaining Human in Leadership

Perhaps what resonates with me most in Brown’s work is the reminder that leadership is ultimately about humanity.

A “wild heart” is about remaining connected to who we are while navigating the complexity of leadership. It is about leading with authenticity, compassion, and courage without losing ourselves in performance or expectation.

The future of leadership, particularly in education, may not belong to those who lead through control or fear. Instead, it may belong to leaders who can:

• remain grounded

• hold boundaries gently

• listen deeply

• stay curious

• lead courageously

• and create spaces where others feel safe enough to flourish

Because strong leadership is not about hardening ourselves. It is about learning how to lead with both strength and softness at the same time.

References

Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Random House.

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.